Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I'm about to put you in the overhead compartment


Listen up you miniature shit machine.  I know you think you're all badass because you have a pair of captain's wings pinned to your onesie but staring at me from over the seat throughout a 5 hour red eye? NOT OK. I was all set to catch up on my US Weekly and eat an entire bag of gummy worms and maybe even take a nap but you have put an end to all that. I don't care about your cookies.  I don't care about them ESPECIALLY when you feel the need to scream "COOKIES" every time the stewardess walks by. SHE HAS PEANUTS YOU ASSHOLE NOT COOKIES. I also don't think she was very impressed when she caught you gnawing on the Sky Mall magazine and now...you're....asleep....asleep on the goddamn back of the chair and there's a trail of drool slowing encroaching on my complimentary soda.  I need the barf bag now, thanks a lot....asshole.

4 comments:

  1. After spending all day in an airport, my husband and I finally got on our flight back home. During the entire flight we heard this baby screaming at the top of its lungs from right behind us. At one point, we heard its mom trying to consol it, which actually caused the baby to scream with laughter. Right before the plane landed, the kid finally shut up and a man got up from a seat in the front to rejoin his family in the back! If he didn’t like his screaming baby, why did he think that the rest of the passengers would enjoy it? Why didn’t he try to make his kid quiet? Finally, when the airplane landed, we saw the “baby” get off with its mom. The “baby" was at least 8 years old!

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  2. Funny stuff. I'm glad to find other people who aren't afraid to call babies assholes. I actually write a blog about being a dad and the awfulness...er, joy that comes with it. Coincidentally, my latest entry is about my son being an asshole: www.chocolatediapers.com

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  3. Check its underwear for explosive materials!

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  4. you fuckers have no life whatsoever do you?
    i mean really to sit there and write complete paragraphs how much you dislike like a fuckin' photo? fo' real, get a life.

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